I've often been asked "How do I dom" or "What would be expected of me as a sub" as if there were any possible answer that would fit all people. BDSM has always been, to me anyhow, a very large bucket of terms, ideas, suggestions and themes. From the realm of what is part of bdsm you take only what you want, no one can force you to take any more or any less. There are no aspects that are mandatory or obligatory.

With no required activities, how does it all work, and how does a community form around it? Well, the common them is acceptance and tolerance that other people will take different things from the bucket than you. Without that idea, there would be no community, just a bunch of squabbling groups trying to impose their views upon each other. Humanity definitely has too much of that going on in other places. (Not saying it doesn't happen in the bdsm community at all, just that there is a loose agreement not to, and 'your kink is not my kink' is an accepted bit of phrasology).

So, how to learn your chosen role, whether dom, sub or switch... reading, talking, experimenting, listening, and playing about. The only things to say end up being: be willing to explore... try things even if you think you may not like them, many things end up surprising. The more important thing of course is to be true to yourself, you are the only one who has to live with the person in the mirror. Follow your heart and your head, for the path is most clear when they are in alignment. The only right way to participate in BDSM is your own way, and the only one who can determine that is you.

It is most definitely ok for you to learn your own way in BDSM, to try out every role: top, bottom, dom, sub, slave, switch, etc. Let no one tell you that there is only one way, or that they have all the answers. No one has all the answers. Some will tell you that the true way is this or that or somesuch, and if you want to take this or that role you must do somesuch. Just nod, smile politely, listen - for there will probably be some good ideas in what they say, and then go off on your own to reflect and see what, if anything, of what was said resonates within you.

So... this page has not come out at all as I intended, but then my thoughts seldom translate to the keyboard well... I think my fingers get in the way. Anyhow, as with all my pages, I hope some sense was made, some advice imparted.