• Advice to new submissives
• Definitions of Terms
• A cynical look at Safety
• Finding your own way
• BDSM And the Law
• Some training rules
• Stages of an online relationship
• Some Suggested Readings

Several years ago I wrote a page offering some safety advice and concerns for new submissives starting to play online. All of the advice that is on that page is still good advice and I still stand by it. What I am doing with this page is picking it apart and pointing out just where much of the safety paranoid are missing the boat. I think there are a lot of people who are going so far overboard that they will destroy any relationship they could have before giving it a chance to get off the ground.

It is not my intent here to deny reality. There are killers out there, there are stalkers and identity thiefs, there are people who are only trying to scsam you, or looking to get your trust only so they can hurt you. None of these things is new. They have been around for far longer than BDSM has been creeping into the mainstream, they have been around for far longer than the net. They have even been around for longer than any country on the face of this planet has been. We as a society have never eliminated greed, selfishness, thoughtlessness or hurtful intent from anyone. These things are still part of the nature of being human, and as long as you are dealing with another human you run the risk of encountering this. It has nothing (or at least very little) to do with where you meet someone (though the odds do go up in jails, prisons and political office), what a person looks like, where they hang out, or what religion they are.

When being concerned for your own safety, take the steps that mean the most, and try not to worry about the things that mean the least. More people are victims of automobile accidents than are victims of violent crimes. With that in mind, don't worry that the guy walking behind you is going to try to mug you, instead always buckle your seatbelt.

Putting paranoia into perspective, if you don't trust the person you are considering meeting with your life, don't go meet them, afterall the ways in which harm you don't want could befall you are nearly endless. By the same token, don't get into another car, bus, plane or train ever again, and only walk on unpaved rural roads, and even then, never alone. Don't eat any food you haven't raised, killed and prepared yourself, because only then will you have a reasonable idea of what you are really putting into your body. Every day each of us typically places our life into the hands of hundreds of strangers, and we take this risk for granted on such a deep level that we don't even think about it. Sure, when that trust is misplaced, someone gets hurt but when has anyone really changed their eating, drinking, or driving habits? (yes, a few do... especially with the proliferation of date-rape drugs, but even here, so many people don't take the responsibility to ensure their safety).

Asking for information about a dom is considered safe practice, and certainly if one is going to meet certain things must be known like which city to travel to, but most of this information can now be easily faked. No one has to be from the city they offer to meet you in, and a safecall that you may have planned can be defeated if you are never there to make it. Now what? The police are called by your friend, only they show up to a fake address and no one has a clue. You are gone, perhaps never to be seen again.

If one goes to the extreme and demands excessive information of a person they have met on the net, they had better be prepared to give out that same information themselves. This is in pretty direct contradiction to much of the safety advice out there which says don't give out any information about yourself. Well, look at it this way... trust goes both ways. The ultimate statement about trust is not letting someone else tie you up, it's going to sleep next to them.

This has not flowed quite as easily as I hoped, but there are still some good points here. Being concerned with your safety when meeting someone from the net is a very valid concern, but don't be paranoid over it, especially if you are not concerned about going somewhere with someone you have met irl. If you are very concerned with your safety, take the steps which will help ensure it the most before you bother to get paranoid about the information you give out to someone online, or what may happen when you meet. Take a defensive driving class, examine the crash safety of your vehicle (last I knew Saturn was the safest car on the road for under $35,000, above that and it's Volvo), always wash your hands thoroughly after handling raw meat. These are things that have a much bigger impact.