Getting started in BDSM

How does one get started in BDSM? or How do I get my SO/bf/gf to tie me up and spank me? or How do I get my SO/bf/gf to let me tie them up and spank them? and How/where do I find a kinky person to play with? These and many others are important questions that most BDSM participants have had to answer at one time or another. Others have found themselves being introduced to the idea by their partners and aren't quite sure what to make of it or where it will lead. I hope to be able to offer some advice to both types of people here and cover some of the basics for those who are just curious about what is involved.

The first thing I can say is get an idea of what you want to incorporate, either reading fiction or instructional material or postings on usenet whether in,, or soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm. Another way to get a good introduction to the various things within BDSM is to find someone to train you. Knowing what you want from BDSM is the first step towards being able to find a relationship which will satisfy your desires.

Once you have an idea of what you would like to include in your life from the pancea that is BDSM it's time for you to find a partner. This can be a long process, just as most people spend a large number of years trying to find a partner without thinking about BDSM. The best advice is don't get discouraged with early failures, and no matter how badly you get burned, never let a past negative experience keep you from trusting again. The new person in your life is not the person who did you harm, and should not be judged or treated as if they were capable of doing that to you. (Likely they won't do the same thing, but will do something new that you couldn't prepare for anyhow.)

For a number of years I have been offering my advice to new submissives and it has been a popular page. Without changing the content on that page, I have also taken a different look at safety when meeting a play partner irl whom one has known from the net. I also present a humorous look at the stages of an online relationship. I will also offer a draft of some beginning rules that I came up with a while ago. A more comprehensive set of rules should be available here eventually.

One of the most important things to remember about BDSM is that no one but you and your partner(s) can decide what is right for you. How you play is right as long as you are happy. There is no set of rules defining what you must or must not do in order to be practicing BDSM. There are no minimum time requirements, there is generally no one looking over your shoulder approving or disapproving of what you are doing. The one are this complicates is in playing with someone new, ALWAYS take the time to negotiate and talk before you play.

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