I'm going to take some space and ramble on for a while about what I think submission is, and how it's different from a few other things.
At a basic level, submission, or submitting, is giving control of yourself over to another. At one level, working for someone is submitting to them, and in return they pay you, in cash (usually). Submitting sexually is very similar at times, what you get in return though is not cash (though some do serve for money), but love, trust, security, and perhaps ultimately, enjoyment. (If you don't enjoy it fundamentally, I would say you shouldn't do it.)
Submission does not mean that you enjoy being whipped, beat, shared, tied, or being made to clean. It doesn't even mean you enjoy sex, or want sex to at all be part of it. Not all subs/slaves take part in all of these activities, though most accept them to varying degrees.
Submission is much more about letting go, and letting someone else make decisions for and about you - ordering dinner for you in a restaurant; deciding what to do for the weekend getaway (and when to take one); choosing your clothing, etc. These are some very gentle ways to submit.
A sub does not give up their right to be a person, just because they are a sub. They may choose to do so, but it is a situation that they would have to seek out, rather than a default. A sub has a tremendous degree of control over who to submit to, when to submit, and in what situations. At times the sub seems to be the one in control because they are defining the limits and depth of the D/s in the relationship and the dom is serving to give them their fantasy.
Though there are as many reasons to submit as there are subs, most of them distill down to a desire to please, and a sexual excitement. There are very few reasons someone can offer for submitting which I deem to be totally invalid: I don't deserve any better; all (wo)men should serve; I've done it in every relationship I've had and I just don't know any other way to act. The reason these are bad is because it takes tremendous strength and self-esteem to submit, and the deeper the submission, the more strength and self-esteem it takes. This is quite contrary to the outsiders view which sees subs as extremely weak in character and will.
Last modified on Tuesday, 12-Sep-2000 02:23:14 EST
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