As I want a group relationship, this is something which I have thought about a lot. How to make it work, how to start it, can it even be done?
For me, it's something I have been interested in for a long time. Several of my favorite books, including Stranger in a Strange Land; Friday; and The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, all by Robert Heinlein, present various options on arrangements in a very positive light. From these, and other sources it makes a lot of sense to me to do something along these lines. One reason is the economics of raising children: when my parents were growing up, one high school diploma working was enough to get ahead; when I was growing up it took a college degree; today, it takes two working college degrees to raise children and get ahead; when I raise children in a few years it will take more than two working college degrees to do it well, and get ahead.
I also believe that it will be better for both the children and the parents. Most of us come home from work tired, and without a lot of patience. Dealing with children in that state isn't really good for us, them, or our relationship with them. They need attention, patience and guidance. They need a warm smile and lots of love, not a grumble and a videotape babysitter. With more adults contributing to raising them, each adult will have more patience with them, because they get more time where they don't have to be around them. It's much easier to be gentle, kind, patient and attentive when you can choose to. The children are rewarded by this as well, it should be a more loving environment for them. More adults are going to be paying attention to them and guiding them.
One of the other things that I would like from it is the added intimacy. Picture having 4 or 5 soulmates rather than just one. It lets you explore more of yourself while staying in a relationship. It keeps things out in the open rather than being hidden with lying and cheating as most people are going to want to explore different things, even if only different flesh, within their lifetimes. I picture it as a group of inseperable best friends who will do anything for each other.
A relationship like this can never work as a star, where there is one person in the center to whom all others committ. It has to be a web, where everyone is committed to everyone else. Removal of any one person should not adversely affect the whole.
In my on-line journeys I have encountered several people who are in long term poly relationships, so I know it can work. I have also encountered many who think that they are ready for it who are in fact no where near ready for it. It is definitely not something for everyone. It takes a lot of maturity, willingness to work and compromise, as well as a fundamental understanding of human nature.
My own vision for it would be something with me and several bi sub women. It would be a group marriage, and would be polyfideltious (everyone having sex only with those within the group). There would be children eventually, and everyone would live within one house. At least occasionally (and maybe more) they would dom and sub to each other.
There are some other books which come highly recommended for those who are interested in learning more. They are:
Last modified on Tuesday, 12-Jun-2001 11:31:04 EST
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